It is hard to put a point on it but things are certainly changing on a daily basis since I began Dronabinol. Lately I have noticed more than ever, that things that happen to me physically do not hang on to my outlook and drag me down. During the eight years of my cancer, I constantly had a feeling of futility. A sense of despondency that made me center on the negative of disease, rather than health. This week I tested my newfound feeling of general improvement on my health.
First after close contact with a child for seven hours while we watched the Super Bowl. My husband happy to enjoy the game with someone who understood. However two days later I came down with a ‘bug’ from the youngster. It was a pain. Took me a course of Augmentin and a couple of days of complete rest to get back to normal. Luckily the Dronabinol kept me thinking beyond the moment and unlike the past, I knew I would get back to normal in a few days.
Once I felt back in the thick of things I began noticing the neglect of the past eight years around our home. Things that normally got polished and gleamed, now covered with a thick layer of dust. We had begun moving our food preparation to accommodate clutter on the kitchen benches. So
Sadly I woke yesterday with the worst back pain I have experienced since going on Dronabinol. No it did not work for me yesterday. In my disregard for all the rest and how far I had progressed by easing into activity, I just threw myself into the tasks, and paid dearly for it all day yesterday. Immobilized and in a world of pain I had to resort to total rest and support to lumbar spine.
This morning back felt so much better when I awoke. After taking my Dronabinol I was pain-free and nausea free. Back to normal .
Lesson learned is that at seventy-two I do have the eight year history of cancer, and am aging. There is only so much I can physically do, considering the physical assault to my body these past years, and with the passage of time. Sometimes we all have to learn that we have to sit still and listen to our bodies and be glad for what we can still do in a day. No need to stress ourselves out with unrealistic goals. Learn to save something to dream for tomorrow. Hardest lesson is by far is to learn to let go and move on.